|
| oh how i have not made this a priority in my life.
[but should i? probably not.]
i'm working for the summer in rhode island on an island
12 miles from the mainland called block island.
oh, block island.
let me just say it was NOT what i expected it to be.
i have met some amazing people. made some great connections.
block island and i have this love/hate relationship.
my eyes have never been so severely ripped open to just how broken this world is.
to just how broken i am.
i'm being an influence in the lives of those i meet. i can see the fruit of that.
i'm screwing up more than i ever have before. i can see the damage of that.
on a lighter note, i have a great story.
about 3-4 weeks ago, i was working the movie at the resort [which pretty much means i was running concessions] and i had to pee.
i go into the bathroom [without my cell phone. who needs their cell in the bathroom, right?]
i shut the door. i do my business. i [try to] leave. the door will not open.
i shove my body into the door attempting to bust this baby open.
nothing.
i twisted the door knob so hard it created a blister on the inside palm of my hand.
nothing.
i was trapped...inside of a bathroom.
after 20 minutes of relentless frustration...
i thought to myself, "i can't stay in here. i'll freak out. what would macgyver do?"
i felt my hair for bobby pins. no bobby pins.
i looked for vents. one ceiling vent. very tiny. it won't cut it.
what about jewelry? ahh...my rings. [i wear these two huge rings that i love...]
i took the one ring off and unbent it.
i began using the end of my ring as a screwdriver and unscrewed the door knob.
the door knob fell off and i unhooked the latch.
i was free. [after 30 minutes.]
i laughed hysterically at the fact that this actually happened.
moral of the story: macgyver is a must in the rearing of one's children.
| | |
| i know, it's been forever, right?
what inspired my recent urge to vent my comings and goings after so many months?
it's amazing what procrastination does to the soul.
a couple of sundays ago the ladies in my house gathered around for our p-town pow wow.
[pretty much where we get together and someone leads
us in a short discussion on a passage of scripture and we
help each other figure out the rest of our lives]
well, near the end we split up into groups. allison, jamie, and i gathered on the loveseat in allison's room to discuss what had been on our minds/hearts lately. allison's head was resting on my chest. she didn't say anything, but i knew she was listening to my heart beat. and as i thought about that, tears began strolling down my cheeks. the symbolism ripped me to pieces. when do we ever really take the time out of our day to listen to another's heart beat? i'm not referring to us walking up to a stranger and pressing our ear against his or her rib cage. but more along the lines of us digging deeply into the things that drive them....that allow them to continue breathing everyday. and as i laid there, allison listened to the beating of my heart-- literally and figuratively. and the thought of someone taking time out to listen to my passions and invest energy into knowing a little bit more of the inside of this heart had just brought me to tears. love. pure love. right in front of me. it was beautiful. i want to give that kind of love to someone else.
| | |
| december what?
are you freakin' kidding me?
this semester is almost to its end.
holy crap.
currently, i am sipping on some random tea that was given to me by a girl named becky who lived next door to me during the school house apartment days. i added a touch of honey-- something needs to sweeten tea. but honey does the job better than sugar in my opinion. i like tea. but i don't drink it often. however, after the temperature spasms the weather has taken us through this past week, the sudden drop in degrees has taken my body for a spin. hence, the warm beverage to encourage blood flow through my fingertips.
well, i intended to sleep in today because the girls and i went to bed around 4:30 a.m. [i hardly ever stay up this late]-- but the body rejected my request. i was awake by 10. so, i've got a good amount of work to do today and feel pretty off. so goes life and the week before finals i suppose.
in other news-- p-town [patterson lodge-- my residence] caught on fire last night. some girls were making popcorn and left the stove unattended. oops. fire alarms going off. smoke covering the bottom level. bad news. so now we are blessed with the fragrance of burnt pan and orange-scented cleaning supplies. conveniently the weather turned to frigid last night so airing out the place by opening windows and doors was out of the question.
ahh...alas. my tea is cold.
i should probably shower some time today.
things keep getting pushed back-- laundry, filming, research.
this may sound contrary to most opinions-- but i'm sad to see the semester go.
[i'd like to hold onto it a bit longer]
nEw bOOk: what's the difference? manhood and womanhood defined according to the bible
by john piper.
great author.
amazing wisdom.
a voice amidst the rest willing to speak of Truth.
check it out.
| | |
| 1 peter 3:15 "but in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. but do this with gentleness and respect." [NIV]
the greek word for hearts is translated as one's seat of emotional and intellectual life.
the greek word for prepared is translated as to get fit.
so, this verse, in essence, is saying "in the seat of your emotional and intellectual life set apart Christ as Lord. always be fit to give an answer to everyone...."
yes, it's easy for me to say that i trust God in the emotional areas of my life, that He holds all of my relationships in His hands, etc. BUT as i am in the most heavily concentrated academic stage of my life-- am i declaring Him Lord over my intellectual life?
and what about being prepared? this verse anticipates the idea of continual hard work. it's a continual spiritual training. it isn't something we ever attain to and then can quit. it's not like a degree, when once we have it, we keep it until our death.
talking to others about Christ is not about giving them answers. that's preaching-- not talking. conversational apologetics [labeled as so by michael ramsden], is about asking questions. it's about getting people to think. one thing mr. ramsden stated was that "most people's understanding of the Christian faith is a misunderstanding." i think a lot of this is true even inside of the church. perhaps even more so inside of my own life.
so, here goes an evaluation of our hearts: why are you a Christian?
until one is able to answer this, he is not able to help others reach the same conclusion in their own lives.
[the catalyst of the aforementioned finds its source in the words of michael ramsden who was filling in for another passionate character-- ravi zacharias. i highly encourage a look-see at ravi zacharias' website and radio broadcasts. good stuff. i always walk away challenged.]
| | |
| this morning i went down to the soccer field to kick the ball around for a while.
i played soccer my 10th-grade year in high school for the first time.
i moved and never ended up picking it up for the rest of high school.
so, it's been about 5 years since i've had my cleats on.
they were dirty. they were very stiff. and they didn't fit.
i would estimate that they were about a whole size too small.
regardless, i shoved them on my feet because i wanted to play so badly.
[now that i think about it, it's slightly cinderella-ish]
i ended up playing for 45-60 minutes.
then i couldn't take it any more.
my toes were curled the whole time which made sprinting painful.
and kicking the ball with any sort of accuracy was next to impossible.
now, i am suffering. my toes hurt. my heels hurt.
particularly my right foot [i believe it's a little bigger than the left].
it made me think.
how many times do i attempt to make things fit something they were never intended for?
whether it's a desired lifestyle, a hobby i wish to pursue for some purpose other than really liking it,
a point of view, a relationship, a career.....
why do i push circle-shaped objects into square holes?
humanity is stubborn. we think we know what we want. so we strive to do anything to get it.
even if it doesn't fit.
on the contrary, i run away from things that i know fit.
because it frightens me. because i lack trust.
this is where i fall on my knees in surrender.
where tears stream down my face.
where You sit and hold me and let me know that You never fail to be faithful.
:: side note ::
driving back to geneva with my niece in the car, we were listening to the beauty and the beast sound track. it made me want to see a ballet. i think i would like ballets.
sara groves's new album is a-mazing.
i've also been obsessed with iron & wine like mad lately.
it's an addiction i can't control.
| | |
|
